AccessReel Reviews – Vampires Suck

AccessReel Reviews – Vampires Suck

VAMPIRES SUCK is a comedy about contemporary teen angst and romance movies. Becca, an anxious, non-vampire teen, is torn between two boys. Edward Sullen, a brooding, hair challenged vampire who has an unnattural aversion to intamacy with Becca, or Jacob White, the dog-boy, who Becca sees as her ‘little gay brother’.

Set in the town of Sporks(Forks), Washington, VAMPIRES SUCK earns it’s laughs from parodying the first two TWILIGHT movies. If you have read/seen Twilight then you would be familiar with the plot as it follows the basic premise very closely. BECCA CRANE (Jenn Proske) is this movies BELLA SWAN (Swan/Crane..geddit?). Replicating all of Kristen Stewarts mannerisms and twitches perfectly, Proske does a great job of apeing her and with this being her only credit so far, she does a good job.

EDWARD SULLEN (Matt Lanter) does a servicable job in parodying Robert Pattinsons EDWARD CULLEN. Rounding out the love triangle is JACOB WHITE (Chris Riggi), who is more ripped than Twilights Taylor Lautner, but falls short of the self-parodying portrayal of Lautner’s JACOB BLACK.

The writer/directors of this ‘film’ are Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. Previous to this they have written such classics as the original ‘Scary Movie’ and had directed ‘Date Movie’, ‘Epic Movie’, ‘Meet the Spartans’ and the unforgettable masterpiece of celluloid – ‘Disaster Movie’.

To add insult to injury, as of this review, it sits at number 2 at the weekly box office, while the infinitely superior in every way ‘Piranha 3D’ sits at number 6. This film doesn’t work on many levels and with the latest entry into the Twilight series actually having a sense of humour (it even lifts a joke straight out of Eclipse), the jokes rely on the obvious and crude.

A good parody is a hard thing to pull off and while this film has a few laughs, this is probably the worst film I’ve seen this year. I’ve prided myself on never walking out on a movie in my life, but while watching this I was contemplating it.

I give it 1 out of 5

VAMIPRES SUCK is currently playing in cinemas everywhere

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